Spoiler Alert! Or Why I Like to Ruin Things for Myself

 

Did you know that Game of Thrones season 3 is starting on March 31st?! Did you know that there are several teasers and trailers out to quench your undying thirst until this day arrives?! Did you know that this is based off a popular series of fantasy novels that I currently have on my shelf, uncracked, because they 5000 pages long?! Once TJ and I finished season 2, I started to casually Google a few things about the characters, just to see who lives and dies (spoiler alert: I’m told that, like, everyone dies). When that wasn’t enough, I started harassing the well read nerds at my work to give me entire plot points because A) I simply cannot wait two weeks until the season starts and B) I have no time to read the books before then. My name is Megan, and I need spoilers to survive.

It mostly started after I became a parent. TV recaps are my best friend because I can read what happens in an episode of almost anything in 5 minutes over a bowl of cereal and, if it’s good, then I will know to try to find an hour later in the week to commit to watching the action play out. There are some weeks where I only have 2 hours total to catch up my shows, so spoiling it ahead of time helps me pick and choose what I think to be the most valuable use of my brain-killing time (sadly, almost always, some Housewives show will win the time, I am not proud but I make no apologies!).

I try not to spoil every show for myself, some have a better shelf life than others. Reality shows need to be read/watched in a timely manner because they have a definite expiration date; most scripted TV is easy to resist spoiling unless I’m feeling like it’s time to break up with a show for awhile and then I’ll try to catch up with it when it’s out on DVD (sorry, How I Met Your Mother). I prefer to watch cable shows in their entirety on DVD as they are more satisfying simply because they are just way better shows than most of the drek on network. For some reason I do not like to spoil Dexter. I read about the first few episodes from this last season and stopped myself from going any further because the sleep deprivation will be so satisfying when I actually get the DVD in my hands. I would rather wait. The same goes for the second season of American Horror Story; as a mom of one with another on the way, my memory retention is at an all time low so any shows that require me to focus on plot devices and characters are best watched in as few sittings at possible. However, for Game of Thrones, I will be forced to suffer the agony of watching each episode play out weekly (of course with plenty of whispered asides to TJ: Who’s that guy? What’s her name? Were they in the last season?) and then I will convene with my Spoiler Council of Nerds to determine how closely they are sticking to the books and to find out what to watch for next. I can’t help it, I don’t know when to stop.